The whole my life I've being feeling
miserable: not worthy of the Great Society we all live in. I lie. I've been
faking. On purpose, though: that made people around me so much more happy
about themselves, that they largely decided to leave me alone.
It is if the people do not care as much as how they feel, as they care to make sure
that other people feel worse than them. First I thought that behavior is inherent
pattern to the morally corrupted and economically unhealthy communist society
in which I grew up, and that once I move away, or once that society become
trashed to its destiny at the junkyards of history, I would not see that behavior
any more. I was wrong.
There is a distinct and distinguished class of people who would "go
places" in any society: those who are able to cash in on their ability to
delegate their misery to others around them, thus, temporarily, making
themselves feeling good. We may call them spineless, assholes, shitheads, but
they will still be well paid and their underlings, employees or simply followers will
fly around them chirping in flattery, sucking in their misery happily like a sponge. Are sponges happy animals?
The same kind of guy, or a woman, who would in our high school in old (now,
even former) Yugoslavia become a member of the Communist party, and go to the
Socialist Youth power meetings, and snitch upon his or her friends religious,
drugs, dresscode or music habits, to become later in his or her miserable life a
functionary with great responsibilities, possible a war criminal - would here in
the land of the free, home of the brave, perhaps become a Young Republican (or a
Democrat, this is a land of choice, after all) developing the same productive
habits of snitching upon his or her friends, just to make tomorrow a brilliant
upwardly mobile career in the Corporate world.
Even the societies are not so much different: Corporate capitalism is actually very
similar to Self-management socialism of Yugoslavia, and it has probably the
same destination in history. In self-management socialism State was not the
owner of everything, like it was in a plain Bolshevik concept of socialism.
Ownership was rather public: EVERYBODY was owner of EVERYTHING. Sounds
fantastic (and the left around the globe worshiped the system uncritically for long
years), but it just doesn't work. Because nobody cares. The real power rested
with the middlemen - those who positioned themselves skillfully to stay between
the people (owners) and the means of production (owned property) and have the
information (knowledge) how to make it all work together. Of course, their
purses went unchecked (since they were checking each others purses). In
Yugoslavia there were three separate castes of "middlemen": factory
directors, party bosses and military brass. Technocracy and bureaucracy were
often at odds and army was there to ensure that one or the other never wins.
Communist Party was the weakest link in the Yugoslav chain: it did not have the
economic clout of technocracy, nor the raw power of military - as a self-proclaimed
vanguard of history it was more like a church in 16th century -
dependent on illusions: as soon as people decided not to give a damn any more
whether their immortal souls would burn eternally in hell, the power was lost
forever.